1. Practice restraint. Wear only one “interesting” piece at a time.
2. Make sure your shoe laces aren’t all twisted and shit.
3. Do not wear Nike socks with Adidas shoes, and vice versa, and so forth.
4. Bad shoes make the whole look bad.
5. Tie your bowtie crooked on purpose so cute girls will straighten it for you.
6. No flip flops or tank tops unless there is sand beneath your feet.
7. Don’t buy something just because it’s on sale.
8. Never leave home without a Parker Jotter [pen].
9. Clean out your wallet from time to time.
10. ”Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.” (From the song “Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen”)